Let Me Go, Let Me Fall
by NeverLookBackSamurai
Summary: I was Kira. I AM Kira. What if I never wanted to be? Yes, this is my, Light Yagami's, account on what I have done as Kira, and more that you never knew about me...


Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any characters affiliated therewith. Neither do I own "Jillian" or any material related to Within Temptation.

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"The ambivalent power of fire to create and destroy." Ka', Cirque Du Soleil

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_I've been dreaming for so long,_

Ever since I found the Death Note, I've been possessed by a shinigami named Ryuk.

_To find a meaning_

Bored, and stupid as I was, I thought I could use it to better mankind.

_To understand._

I thought I understood what I was doing, and at the time, it made sense to me.

_The secret of life,_

Though my family was always there to support me, they didn't know how to love me the way I wanted them to love me.

_Why am I here_

…where will I go…

_To try again?_

I had always wished to be more than just number one.

_Will I always,_

…Be nothing more than an icon, a marker for others to follow?

_Will you always_

… Drive me forth to the point of insanity?

_See the truth_

…Of my mistakes…

_When it stares you in the face?_

The pain I caused so many people…

_Will I ever_

… be able to redeem myself for the blood on my hands?

_Will I never free myself_

… from you, L, the enigmatic detective…

_By breaking these chains?_

_I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul._

Let me feel the sun's warmth upon my face again…

_I'd turn it back, it's my fault._

I wish I'd never picked up that damned notebook…

_Your destiny is forlorn,_

L, forgive me for the pain I've caused you…

_Have to live till it's undone._

My life is forfeit…

_I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul._

Lead me away from their tormented screams I hear at night…

_I'd turn it back_

Time can never be reversed…

_And then at last_

…I'll close my eyes, in hopes…

_I'll be on my way._

_I've been living for so long,_

How many years have I been drowning in their blood?

_Many seasons have passed me by._

I can no longer feel even the cooling rain on my face…

I've seen kingdoms through ages

Now I realize a perfect world can never be…

_Rise and fall,_

… Like I've done…

_I've seen it all._

_I've seen the horror,_

What more wretched being on the Earth is there than me?

_I've seen the wonders_

Trust given to me from my own enemy…

_Happening just in front of my eyes._

I reach out, but they're not there anymore…

_Will I ever_

… Earn your forgiveness, L?

_Will I never free myself by making it right?_

_I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul._

Someone keep me from this hell I've made for myself.

_I'd turn it back, it's my fault._

I don't want to die.

_Your destiny is forlorn,_

Those black, angelic wings of a god I imagined…

_Have to live till it's undone._

…I wonder where they've gone.

_I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul._

I never expected to be overcome by power…

_I'd turn it back_

… I can't see the light anymore…

_And then at last_

… I don't want to die…

_I'll be on my way._

_Jillian_

L…

_Our dream ended long ago._

You, too, were my first true friend.

_All our stories_

Can you ever forgive me?

_And all our glory_

Forgive my pride that caused your death?

_I held so dear._

Now do I see, my scream of agony…

_We won't be together for ever and ever,_

… Was really real…

_No more tears._

The tears I told myself weren't there…

_I'll always be here_

Were like my soul draining from my body…

_Until the end...  
_  
_I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul._

Let me go…

_I'd turn it back, it's my fault._

Let me fall…

_Your destiny is forlorn,_

My true self trapped behind Kira's insanity…

_Have to live till it's undone._

"What have you done, Light-kun?"

_I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul._

…I'd give anything at all…

_I'd turn it back_

… Bring them all back…

_And then at last_

… Let me die…

_I'll be on my way_.

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A/N: I never thought I could write something so depressing… Many thanks to ItakiUchiha on Youtube for her awesome video, which inspired me to write this. And for those who are wondering, I do not, in fact, sympathize with Light at all. I just write whatever my inspiration tells me to.


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